Addiction
by jamiecakes85
Summary: Have you ever had an addiction? I don't mean like drugs, or alcohol, but something much more important. I have an addiction, something that gives me the best high out of anything in life. Something that makes me feel like I can do anything in the world. I can only sum up my addiction in two words. James Diamond. NOT A KAMES FIC! Please give it a shot!
1. Where It All Began

**A/N: Hello all! I deleted this story and decided to change a few things. I wasn't entirely happy with it the way it was. This fic is sort of AU. The guys don't live in the Palm Woods anymore but are still a part of BTR of course. Mainly the guys are just older now sooo...um yeah on with the story huh?**

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Have you ever had an addiction? I don't mean like drugs, or alcohol, but something much more important. I have an addiction, something that gives me the best high out of anything in life. Something that makes me feel like I can do anything in the world. I can only sum up my addiction in two words. James Diamond. I know you're probably thinking I'm some stupid teenybopper, but you're wrong. I've been friends with guys or Big Time Rush for a good ten years. James and I were both kids when we met, in second grade to be exact, only he was a few months older than me. We clicked right away and were inseparable when we got into middle school and high school. He and Kendall were my best friends and the two I got along with best. It was always good to have them around especially when I was feeling down. James and I did everything together. Except for his first kiss. I remember him coming by my place with Kendall after it happened. He was so distraught when he came through the door. Since Kendall had a big crush on my sister, who was a year younger than me, James could tell me all the details without the fear of being picked on by our friend. We laughed over how horrible it was and we even practiced kissing on each other. That was when he was still just my friend. Before I knew what was happening, I felt so much more for him than just a friend should. It was Kendall's sixteenth birthday and James invited over a girl he met at work one day. I was jealous beyond belief and didn't understand why. The next few weeks, James spent all his time with his new girlfriend and hardly spent anytime with me. I didn't say anything to him, but instead started spending a lot more time with Kendal. He wasn't James, but he was just as easy to talk to and really funny. He knew how I felt about our friend, but he was always there when I needed him and it was the same for when he needed me. Over time, Kendall and I were going to parties and concerts together, but eventually made a huge mistake. One night, at a Halloween party we were throwing James ditched me for his girlfriend whom wasn't even there. I was heartbroken considering that I was thinking of telling him how I felt, but instead ended up crying on Kendall's shoulder. We spent the whole night together and I know we both got completely shit faced. When we woke up the next morning we were both naked and Kendall was lying on top of me. It was when he went to move when I realized we had had sex, since he was still inside of me. After that, Kendall and I hardly talked for at least two weeks, but one day he showed up on my doorstep with a white rose in his hand asking if we could talk. I invited him in and we talked everything out. Sure it was a little weird at first, but we eventually got over it. We never told James and I think it was better that way. After the incident with Kendall, James and his girlfriend broke up and he came right to me to talk about it. I know I should've been mad for being ditched over and over again, but the boy was my best friend. So I sucked it up and helped him get over his broken heart, not that it was the first time, but I helped nonetheless. Now we're adults and I'm still in love with my best friend. There have been so many times I've tried to tell him how I feel, but I couldn't find the right words. Kendall had just had his 22nd birthday and, along with James, Logan, and Carlos they're living their dreams. They started the band in high school and now they are the obsession and in the fantasies of girls and possibly guys, all over the world. Logan and Carlos are great guys who really know how to make you feel like you're the greatest person. But they have people in their lives. Logan and his girlfriend, Camille have been together for a few years and I don't think they plan on splitting up anytime soon. And then there's Carlos. He's got at least three different girls, but he's truthful with all of them. They know he doesn't want anything serious at the moment. I admire his honesty. If I wasn't such a coward, I could've told James the truth by now. But then again, if I wasn't then I wouldn't be telling you the story now would I?


	2. Happy Birthday

**A/N: Soooo yeah chapter 2 is officially up! I'm much happier with the very small changes I made. It just made more sense to me and it flows better I think! Plz let me know what you think, honestly.**

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I guess the best place to start is at my birthday party. The guys had decided to throw me a huge bash, seeing as it was my big 2-2, as Kendall explained. Honestly, I thought people only said that if it was like the big 4-0, but I guess it sounded like what he should say. I actually had no idea about the party until I got home and realized my house had been invaded by about a thousand people. Well, maybe I'm over exaggerating, but it was still a lot of people. I had just hugged Logan and Camille when I finally found my two best friends, whom had arranged the whole thing. They both gave me identical smirks as I approached them, my hands on my hips as I stopped in front of them, looking back and forth between the two.

"I suppose you guys think you're both just hot shit right now don't you?" I asked, a smile on my face even though I was trying to be mean.

"Well, not hot shit, but...well, we are kinda hot shit dontcha think?" Kendall asked, that mischievous grin spreading across his face.

He knew too well how to melt a girls heart, even when he looked like he was up to something. I laughed lightly, as did they.

"C'mon Kennah. You know you like us surprising you." James finally said, pulling me into a big bear hug.

I inhaled his scent as he enveloped me in his arms. Nothing ever made me feel as good as I felt when he held me close. It was intoxicating and breathtaking just to be near him. It felt so perfect, so right.

"Okay, okay." I replied, as James pulled away and stepped aside for Kendall to hug me as well. "I guess I can forgive you, but only cause it's my birthday and I love you guys."

Kendall pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head.

"Happy birthday Kennah." He said as he pulled away.

"Thanks guys. Really." I said, looking up at the both of them.

"C'mon on guys, let's get this party started!" Someone yelled from behind me.

When I turned to look, I realized it was Jett Stetson, the one and only. Good God, the man could never be inconspicuous, even if he tried.

"Stetson, you dick. Oh how I've missed you." I said just as Jett grabbed me up and swung me around.

"Happy 22nd Mack." He replied, sitting my feet back on the ground. "So another year closer to 30 and you're still sexy as hell. How the fuck do you do it?"

"Simple, I keep myself as far away from your cock as possible Stetson." I explained, fake hurt spreading across his features.

He dramatically grabbed his chest as if he'd just been stabbed.

"Oh the pain you put me through Mack. The ungodly pain." He exasperated.

"Jett, give it up. No matter how much you try, you are never, ever gonna get Kennah." James explained, laughing.

"Yeah. You've only been trying for like 6 years dude." Kendall added.

"Well, I'll just have to keep trying then won't I?" Jett asked, playfully winking at me.

As we all continued our conversation, Logan, Camille, and Carlos approached us, joining in.

"Kennah, happy birthday girl." Carlos said, one arm hugging me around my shoulders.

"Thanks Carlos." I replied, hugging him in return.

"So do you feel any older yet?" Camille asked.

I thought about it for a few seconds.

"Nope not really, but I'm sure I will soon enough." I answered, shrugging slightly.

"We'll all feel older when we hit 30." Kendall said, throwing his arm around my shoulders.

"At least it's still a few years away." James added. "Oh shit. I'll be right back guys."

James quickly ran off into the house, since the party was in my backyard. After he took off we all dispersed into our own areas, mingling with the other guests. Kendall stuck by my side though, which was always comforting. That was just something about him. He could make me feel comfortable no matter the situation or mood I was in.

"Fuck there's a lot of people here." I exclaimed, mostly to myself. "Where'd James go?"

"Um...I'm not real sure. You never know with him sometimes." Kendall replied, breaking eye contact with me completely.

Something was going on. Kendall always looked me in the eye when he spoke to me. Unless he was lying or keeping something from me that he thought wasn't his place to say.

"What is it Kenny?" I asked, looking at him skeptically.

"I really shouldn't say anything." He told me, trying his best to smile.

"Say anything about what?"

I was confused as to what he meant. Before he could answer my question, I heard James's voice and turned in the direction it came from. He was walking towards Kendall and I.

"Where've you been mister?" I asked, once he was by our sides.

"Sorry Kennah, but I want you to meet someone." James replied, a smile across his face.

"Really? Who?"

I was so hoping he brought someone famous to meet me, but I have no such luck. James grabbed my hand and led me around the yard to the back patio. I was still confused as hell, but I followed him anyway. Of course I would though. I loved him to pieces. He pulled me through the back door and into my living room, where I noticed a few people sitting, one female in particular catching my eye. She looked so familiar. I realized James was pulling me toward her too. Soon we were right in front of her and it became clear as to whom it was. Her name was Nicole Smitts, a girl whom we had known for sometime, but never even so much as looked in James' direction. Well until now it seemed. Ihad never really gotten to know her. She seemed like a snob, considering that we had seen her at several places that the guys had invited me to go to and she always seemed so stuck up and into herself. But that didn't stop James from smiling widely as we stopped in front of her.

"Nic. Glad you came." He said as she stood, kissing him lightly on the lips.

I swear my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. It hadn't been that long ago that he broke up with the last girlfriend and he'd already moved on to another one? I was speechless.

"Kennah, I'd like you to meet Nicole. Kennah, Nic, Nic, Kennah." James said once he parted from her.

"Hey, James has told me so much about you." She said, sticking her hand out.

I looked down at it, almost not knowing what to do. I wanted to kick her out so bad, but I knew that causing a scene would only make things worse. The lady in me wouldn't, and couldn't do that. Plus, James would be outraged and making him mad or embarrassing him was the last thing I wanted to do. I placed a smile on my face and pulled out the best "happiest girl in the world" routine that I could. After all, calling her every nasty name in the book and kicking her out of _my_ birthday party would only upset James, which was something I couldn't bring myself to do.

"Nice to meet you Nicole." I finally replied, placing my hand in hers.

I wanted to hate her. I almost needed to just because of how much I was in love with James, but hating her wouldn't change his feelings or make him love me as more than just a friend.

"God, I'm so glad you guys finally met." James said, his smile never fading.

"Finally?" I asked.

"James, exactly how long have you kept me a secret from everyone?" Nicole asked, hand on her hip.

"Hey, you were not a secret babe." He said, wrapping his arms around her.

I kept the smile on my face, but inside I was falling apart. It happened every time he got into a relationship. I was happy when he was single, even though I knew he wouldn't be mine, but as soon as he was with someone else, my whole world seemed to crumble beneath me. It was like a cruel joke that the world was playing on me. But I couldn't really blame him. After all, he didn't know how deep my love for him was. I was still too chicken shit to tell him and it didn't seem like the truth would be coming out any time soon.

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**A/N: Yeah I needed a random girl to throw in here as James' gf, but I didn't wanna use anyone from the show seeing is idk exactly what I'm gonna do with James' and Nicole's relationship just yet. Let me know what you think...ppppllllllzzzz!**


	3. More Than Friends?

**A/N: I posted these 3 chapters up rather quickly, but they were the ones I did already have up. Like I said, just needed a lil revamping on my story a bit.**

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It had been several hours since I had first been introduced to Nicole and James hadn't so much as taken his eyes away from her since our introduction. Most of the guests had already departed for the night, except for the few close friends that remained. James and Nicole were sitting in my living room in deep conversation, his smile still plastered to his face. God, I wanted to hate her so much, but seeing James happy for a change was nice. He hadn't smiled this much in a long time. Jett and Kendall had pretty much stayed by my side all night, like always. The two were talking about maybe getting everyone together for a game of hockey when I turned my attention to them.

"It'd be so awesome to just get everyone together and have fun. Maybe have like a cookout. C'mon, what do we have to lose?" Jett asked.

"I guess we could throw a barbeque. That is if I can part lover boy away from Nicole for two minutes." Kendall replied, then looking at me with a sidewards smirk.

I smiled back, trying my best to look happy, but Kendall could always see right through my facades. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. He was trying to pull me into the conversation so I wouldn't feel left out.

"You two should just hook up and get it over with." Jett said, laughing slightly.

"Huh?" Kendall and I both muttered together.

"You two. Honestly, you guys would be perfect for each other."

"Jett..."Kendall started.

"What? C'mon Ken, you can't tell me you've never thought about Mack naked."

Kendall turned the brightest shade of red I'd ever seen him turn and I had to laugh. For the first time in the last few hours I laughed genuinely.

"Why are you turning so red Kendall ?" I asked, laughing still.

"Oh God kill me now." He muttered to himself, his hand over his eyes. "Just send a nice big lightening bolt down to strike me dead."

"Kenny boy, I do believe I've embarrassed you." Jett boasted.

"Fuck you Jett. Fucking fuck you three ways from fucking Sunday."

I began giggling again, grabbing my stomach as I did. I couldn't help it. It was always good times when Jett was around. He could bring life to the deadest, most boring party ever.

"Oh God, classic. Sorry man, but you guys would be good together." Jett added in, slapping Kendall on the back lightly. "And now that I have fully embarrassed the shit out of Kendall , I shall...retreat to the kitchen and retrieve myself another drink."

With that being said, Jett stood and left us alone. I smiled and looked at a still red faced Kendall. He flipped the back of Jett's head off as he walked away.

"I swear there are times I want to kill him." Kendall said, a small smile coming to his face.

"He was just joking. Or I think he was anyway." I replied

"Yeah. I know."

We grew silent for a few minutes, the both of us just staring at our surroundings.

"Sorry I didn't tell you about Nicole." Kendall said, snapping me out of my daze.

I managed a small smile before grabbing his hand and giving it a small squeeze. He looked up into my eyes when I did so.

"Kenny, it wasn't your place to tell me. Besides, it's nice to see James happy." I explained, holding his gaze.

"Yeah, but I know how you feel about him. I could've given you a heads up about her tonight before he just decided to spring it on you." He said, trying to comfort me.

"It's okay. I've been through it before. Many times. I love him, but I want him to be happy. Even if it's not with me."

"Still. He should've told you sooner. It could've ruined your birthday."

"Kendall ...nothing has ruined my birthday. You guys being here, throwing me this party and inviting all of our friends more than makes up for anything you guys have done."

He managed to give me another smile and another hug.

"As long as you're happy Kennah, I'm happy."

The party had been over for awhile. Only Jett, Logan, Camille, Carlos, Nicole, James and Kendall remained. It was getting late, but we were in good spirits and having fun, so we stayed there talking long after everyone had left. I myself had been drinking some, which is something I very rarely do.

"Whoa it's getting late." Logan said, looking at the clock on my coffee table. "We better get going."

"Yeah. Sorry guys. Happy birthday Kennah. Again." Camille said, hugging me before she and Logan walked to my door to leave.

"Thanks Cam, Logan. I'm glad you guys came." I replied.

"Like we would miss it. Later birthday girl." Logan told me, walking away.

"Night guys."

I closed the door behind the two and turned to go back to the living room, when I was nearly knocked down by Carlos.

"Holy shit. Sorry Kennah." He said, helping me regain my stance.

I noticed Jett, James and Nicole with him.

"It's cool. I'm okay. You guys leaving too?" I asked, a little bit of sadness in my voice.

"Yeah. I gotta be up early in the morning." Jett replied, scratching the back of his head.

"Us too. Nic has an interview in the morning and I thought I'd take her." James added, wrapping his arm around Nicole's waist.

"And that is why I love you. Cause you always think of me first." She stated kissing him.

Jealousy streaked through me like a bolt of lightening, but I kept my composer as best I could.

"Well, I'm glad you all came. It was nice having everyone here." I said, placing another fake smile on my face, but only for James' benefit.

Everyone started filing out the door, all of them stopping to give me a hug goodbye and telling me happy birthday once more. Jett of course doing his best to cop a feel of my ass as he left. Nicole and James were the last ones.

"It was so nice meeting you Kennah." Nicole said, giving me a hug, which shocked me a little.

"It was nice to meet you too Nicole. Thanks for coming." I replied as she pulled away.

"Thanks for having us." James said, hugging me as well.

"Having you? You and Kendall planned the whole thing."

"True, but you still love us."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop reminding me."

We said our goodbyes and the two were out of my door and on their way, more than likely, to James' house. I shut the door quietly and began my walk back to the living room, where Kendall still was. I guess he wasn't ready to go home yet. When I stepped into the room, I noticed him looking through an old photo album from my shelf. God, it had to be from several years prior.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, taking a seat beside him and looking at the pictures on the page.

He looked up at me again with that smirk before pointing to a picture.

"I almost completely forgot you had this picture. James would so kill you if you showed this to anyone." Kendall said, a small laugh coming from him.

The photo he spoke of was a picture from Halloween. We, as in the guys and I, had thrown a Halloween party and all dressed up. Somehow we ended up blackmailing James into dressing in a Winnie the Pooh costume. I laughed myself as I looked at it. Kendall and I were in the photo as well.

"I can't believe we got him in that thing." Kendall said, barely above a whisper.

"I know. That night was crazy." I replied, turning the page in the album.

"Not as crazy as the next morning though."

We both stared at each other for a few seconds. He was talking about us waking up and realizing we'd had sex. I admit, I was surprised as well, but there wasn't much of a memory as to what happened exactly. Neither of us could remember any of it. I turned a light shade of red, as Kendall looked into my eyes.

"Honestly, I don't know why James hasn't tried anything with you." Kendall said, finally breaking eye contact.

"Why do you say that?" I asked, my curiosity always getting the better of me.

"Kennah, you're gorgeous. Honestly, we all had the hots for you in school. Well, most of us anyway. I think James just had something wrong with his brain."

I was speechless. I'd never been called gorgeous before. I mean I was just a normal, brown haired, hazel eyed girl. I was nothing special.

"It's okay I guess." I said, shrugging slightly. "I'm happy just being his friend. I can't say I wouldn't like it to be more, but...I can't really force him to fall in love with me."

Kendall closed the album and sat it down on the table in front of us. He sighed heavily as if something was weighing on his mind. Something he wasn't sure how to express. He leaned back against the couch, placing his hands behind his head and looking at me.

"He's stupid Kennah. He has no idea what he's missing out on." He said, looking me dead in the eye.

A shiver ran up my spine as he continued to stare at me. I could feel the goosbumps forming across my body as he took my hand in his.

"Kendall..."I started, not really sure of what I was going to say.

"It's just...Kennah, you are such an amazing girl...well, woman actually, but that's not the point. James has bounced around from one bad relationship to another, except for a few and, even though I really like Nicole and think they could be good for each other, I hate how sad you are sometimes. And I hate that friend is so fucking blind that he can't see how much you love him. I mean he's gotta be fucking retarded to not see it."

"Kendall, it's okay. As long as James can find someone that will make him happy, then I'll be happy for him."

He sighed once more, looking to his lap. What was he thinking inside that skull of his? It's like I could tell he was trying to process something important, but just couldn't find the words to express it. After a few minutes he looked back up at me once again.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

I smiled, knowing he was only concerned about me.

"Yeah. I'll be okay." I told him, squeezing his hand again.

He gave me his best smile that he could, even though I know there was more he wanted to say.

"Alright. Now, would you like your birthday present?" He asked.

I was a little surprised he said that, considering that I had opened all my gifts hours ago.

"What present? I thought I opened them all already?" I said, some what flabbergasted.

He smiled widely before standing and heading out of the room.

"Where are you going?" I asked, following him.

He stopped me just as we came to the entry way into the foyer.

"Hey, go back and sit down. I'll be right back. Just gotta get something outta my car." He said, turning to face me and stopping me from going further.

"But why?" I whined, pouting playfully.

"Just go. I'll be right back okay."

I huffed a little causing Kendall to laugh lightly.

"Okay, but make it fast or I'll lock your ass out there Knight." I told him before turning and going back to wait for him.

I heard him laugh again as he went out the door, knowing damn well that he had a key. I didn't have any idea he got me another present, the first one being my hot pink "Gamer Girl" t-shirt that I had longed for for about three months. Thinking about it made me smile and I pulled it out of the pile beside me. I had gotten quite a few gifts and even Nicole herself got me one, which was nice of her. I honestly wanted to hate her, but she was a completely different person than from what I had originally thought and James really seemed to like her, so hating her just wasn't an option. She was very polite and sweet to everyone. She even invited me out to lunch with her. As long as Paris Hilton, whom I had seen her with several times, wouldn't be there then I'd be fine. To me Paris just reeks of fakeness and unoriginality. I used to think the same of Nicole, but she actually proved that there was more than what meets the eye with her. I had just picked up the new iPOD James had bought me when I heard my front door open and then close quickly. I looked up just in time to see Kendall come into the room, his hands behind his back and a smile plastered on his face. Whatever he had, must've been good for him to have the look he did on his face.

"Okay hot shot, what is it?" I asked, standing from the couch and walking towards him.

"How bad do you want it?" He teased, sort of swinging his hips from side to side.

I gave him a smirk as he continued his teasing.

"Bad enough to knock the shit out of you if you don't stop trying to dance like Shakira." I replied after a few seconds.

He looked offended for a minute, but laughed it off, knowing I was only joking. Actually, Kendall had some pretty good moves on the dance floor.

"Okay, here." He said, placing an envelope in my hand.

"Wow, you got me paper. I'm touched." I joked.

"Will you open the fucker."

"Fine, fine."

I opened the envelope quickly and pulled out the contents. It looked like some sort of document type thing and it was from somewhere fancy too.

"What is this?" I asked, looking back up at Benji.

He still held his famous smirk.

"It's a certificate." He replied with a light laugh.

"For what?"

"I um...I had a star named after you."

"You what?"

I smiled widely. No one had ever done anything so touching before. I was amazed. I read the paper again and again, just to make sure he wasn't joking with me.

"Do you like it?" He asked, shoving his hands in his jean pockets.

"Do I like it? I fucking love it Kendall." I replied, jumping into his arms to give him the biggest hug I had ever given anyone in my life. "Thank you so much."

He hugged me back and I could feel him smile against my shoulder. I was so touched by what he had done. It meant a lot to me and I don't think I would ever be able to tell him how much.

"I'm glad you like it." He said against my shoulder.

"I told you I loved it. This is so special to me. Does it have the coordinates and everything?" I asked, pulling away only slightly.

"Yeah. I had to call in a few favors, but I wanted to do something special for you and this seemed perfect."

"It is perfect. The best thing anyone has ever gotten me in my entire life."

He smiled slightly and turned a light pink color. He was so adorable when he turned red. I don't think he knew how adorable he was. I was in love with James, but there was a quality about Kendall that no one could measure up to. Something special and unlike anyone else. His eyes finally reconnected with mine and we were stuck in a sort of trance. We were still in each others arms and it didn't feel wrong at all.

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**A/N: PLZ REVIEW! I'm begging you!**


	4. Cloud 9

**A/N: So I reposted the first 3 chapters and I decided to go ahead and post chapter 4. I'm hoping I get some reviews this time cause I really do love this story and feel like my writing has imporved while writing it. Plz, give it a shot! Even if I get just a couple of reviews it makes my day!**

**Also I do not own BTR(damnit! .), the show, their co-stars, ect, ect. Now on with the chapter huh?**

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What was going on here in my living room? Kendall and I stood in each others arms, starring into the others eyes. I could feel a shiver run down my spine and my skin tingled from where his hands were on my hips. Had I drank just a little too much throughout the night and the booze was getting to me? I wasn't sure and I don't think I even cared at the time. I mean, damn who would complain to being wrapped in Kendall Schmidt's arms? It's not like I was or wasn't, but this was out of character for me. Kendall and I were the best of friends and at the moment, he was starring me down like a lover would. Finally he spoke, breaking me from my daze.

"Kennah.." He said, speaking softly.

"What?" I asked, never breaking eye contact.

"I...shit, I have no idea."

He looked down for a split second before looking back up into my eyes.

"What is it Kendall?" I asked again, knowing something was going on in his head and he was having trouble getting it out.

He didn't utter a word to me as he placed his lips over mine and kissed me and did so deeply. At first I was shocked, not really expecting it, but soon the feeling washed over me of how good it felt to feel him against me. His arms wrapped around my waist completely and he pulled my body flush against his. His one hand rested against my hip as the other came and cupped my cheek, turning my head ever so slightly to gain better access to my lips. Our tongues met finally and a spark of electricity shot through me. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, snaking my fingers into his hair after gently sitting my gift on the coffee table. Good God, this guy was a good kisser. His lips were soft and his kisses were neither rough or too tender. They were perfect. He finally pulled away reluctantly, his eyes slowly opening to meet my gaze. He looked like he wanted to say something, but his lips just couldn't form the words. He brushed a strand of hair out of my face and placed it behind my ear before reconnecting our lips, this time more eager and feverish. I pulled him against me once again, needing to feel him on me, even just the smallest amount of contact. I knew where this was going and I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not, but I most certainly didn't want to stop kissing him. He felt so good and I'd be damned if I was going to let him go just yet. I felt his hands on my back as they moved lower, down past my butt and grabbed my thighs as he bent to pick me up. I let him, wrapping my legs around him as he carried me to my bedroom. The door was shut, but it didn't take much for him to open it. As soon as it was, he pushed the door open and carried me to my bed which was not even four or five steps away from my door. I felt him bend once more and gently set me down against my mattress. Once there, our lips parted again and we looked into the others eyes. I didn't know what to say to him. I wasn't sure what was going through either of our minds at the time, but my body was doing all the thinking for me as I pulled him in and pressed our lips together. I felt him get on the bed with me, sitting between my slightly spread legs. My heart was racing inside my chest, almost feeling as if it would pound right out as he ran his hands up my thighs. I hadn't felt this turned on in a long time and knowing it was Kendall there with me and being the one making me feel the way I was only comforted me. I felt his hands roaming over me, stopping at the end of my top only to begin to pull it up. I let him without hesitating and watched as he threw it to the floor and attached his lips to my cleavage, moving slowly down my chest to my stomach and back up to my lips once more. Feeling some what exposed before his eyes, I began to unbutton his black button up shirt and soon tossed it to the floor with mine. I took the moment to look over his body, stopping to take in everything, including his few tattoos, which only made him that much more sexier to me. Good God, what was I thinking? I knew Kendall was gorgeous, but at that moment all I wanted was for him to devour me, take me, make me into anything he wanted. I don't know what had gotten into me or him for that matter. There we were, two best friends, removing our clothes and, even though it wasn't happening yet, I knew that in a matter of minutes we would be having sex. But it felt so good to feel him against me, have him touch me in ways that only one person before him had touched or I had even considered let touching. His lips again parted from mine, making their way to my neck and collar bone where he began to suck and nibble lightly. I let out a small moan as he continued and I soon felt his hand at the button of my jeans. I shivered as he slowly got them undone and began to tug them off my legs. All I was left in was my bra and panties and mis-matching ones at that. Had I known earlier in the day that Kendall would be undressing me, then I might have wore matching ones instead. He pulled away from me once my jeans were removed and sat up, looking down into my eyes before his began to scan over my body. I felt light headed as he looked down upon me. I was in his complete control and I think maybe he knew it. Still he didn't speak as he came back to my lips, reconnecting them again. I pushed him onto his side where I could remove his grey skinny jeans and did so as quickly as I could. That's when I felt his hands unhooking my bra. I felt a little nervous, but I always was, even if it was with someone who I was completely comfortable with. It's not like Kendall had never seen me naked before, but when it came to this kind of situation, I was always a little nervous. I still didn't want to stop though. I heard the light snap and knew he had succeeded in un-hooking my bra. I felt him slowly pull the straps down on my arms as he kissed me harder, pushing me on my back and taking away the only article of clothing I had covering my chest. I didn't know where my bra landed once he threw it aside. Once again, his hands were on my hips, gripping them gently as he pushed my panties down slightly. My heart rate increased as every inch of skin was uncovered. Now, my underwear lay somewhere in the floor and I was completely nude. He pulled away from me and looked down at me again, scanning my entire body, making me shiver in anticipation. His eyes sparkled with delight as a small smile came to his face and he leaned in for another kiss, where, after pulling away, he spoke to me for the first time since this began.

"You're so fucking beautiful Kennah. So beautiful." He whispered, then pressing his lips against mine again.

I didn't care what it was anymore. If it was cause I had drank too much or was so lonely and upset that James was with someone else, but at that very moment, I wanted nothing more than for Kendall to ravish me in anyway he deemed fit. I felt him against my entrance, even though he was still in his underwear. I moaned into his mouth at the feeling and reached down to push at his boxers. Once low enough, he finished removing them and kicked them off. Now nothing parted us and his skin felt good against my own. It was like nothing I had felt before and I couldn't get enough. Finally I felt him enter me and I moaned loudly, pulling away from his lips, his forehead, coming to rest against mine. He grunted in what I hoped was pleasure and began a steady pace. Not too fast or too slow. He felt so perfect as he moved against me, like he knew every right spot to touch. I could feel him sweating lightly as he continued his rhythm, my legs wrapping around his waist to give him better access. He groaned again, loudly this time moving his forehead from mine and moving in to kiss my neck again. Also whispering into my ear.

"Oh God Kennah." He muttered once.

"Kendall…you're incredible…" I squeaked out, not meaning to, but couldn't help it.

His pace had quickened slightly, pushing in deeper. I felt like I was dreaming. He was making me feel so good and I just wanted to return the favor, but I couldn't form words that I thought he, or anyone for that matter, would be able to comprehend.

"God…Kendall…Oh God…" I squealed, something inside of me losing control and I just couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore.

I couldn't remember the last time someone had made me feel this good during sex. I don't think anyone ever had and I was going to let him know that I loved what he was doing to me. I almost wanted to push him off me and take over, but I still couldn't form words, hell I could barely think straight with the feelings I had running through me. He slammed into me hard and I moaned his name. It had to have been close to a scream. After that last thrust, he slowed his pace once again, lifting up and looking into my half open eyes.

"Like that…did ya…" He asked, that devilish smirk returning to his kiss swollen lips.

I nodded my head vigorously before answering him.

"Oh God yes…"

"It's your birthday…it's all for you Kennah….fuck…."  
At the last part, he closed his eyes and kissed me again. He was close and I knew it. He was only holding out to make it last as long as he could. I wasn't sure if I could hold out much longer myself. Even though the moment was more than amazing, I knew we both needed our release. I tightened the grip around his waist with my legs and ran my nails down his back, gently, but a little rough. He grunted, leaning down, biting my neck, then suckling the spot he bit.

"Ken…Kenny…I…oh God…" I moaned lightly in his ear

"Fuck Kennah…you are so fucking incredible…I can't…" He started, but couldn't finish.

"It's okay…go ahead…"

I guess he only needed reassurance. Once the words left my mouth, his pace quickened once again and I was being slammed. I didn't care, it felt so good to feel him inside me. I gripped his shoulders tightly as I felt my peak nearing.

"Fuck Kendall….I'm gonna…."

I was never able to finish my sentence. Seconds later, my orgasm hit me with an incredible force, that I felt all over my body. It was amazing as it washed over me from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. As I came down, I could feel Kendall still moving in and out of me, but by the tone in his voice and his heavy breathing, it was obvious that he was close. I did my best, trying to lift my hips slightly to meet his a few times, which did the trick.

"Oh fuck…" He screamed, releasing into me, biting down on my neck to try and silence himself a little.

Once finished he pulled out and removed himself from being on top of me. He slid to my side, his eyes tightly closed, his breathing still ragged, but slowly regaining it's normal pattern. I looked at him as he tried to pull himself together. Finally he turned and looked me in the eye, smiling, as he pulled me into his arms. He placed another kiss on my lips before pulling back and brushing my hair out of my face again. My eyes and body felt heavy suddenly. I was exhausted from the days events and from what had just happened. I returned his smile before pulling my blankets back and crawling under them, pulling him with me.

"Kennah…" He started, but I silenced him, placing my finger over his lips.

"Shh…just stay tonight and we'll talk about it in the morning okay." I said, crawling back into his arms and snuggling against his chest as he nodded.

I just wanted to have him with me a little longer. I knew once the sun came up and we opened our eyes that things would be completely different between us. I couldn't sum up what had happened, but one thing I was sure of was I was way too tired to worry about it.

"Happy birthday Kennah." I heard him say softly, kissing my forehead afterwards.

I don't remember if I gave him a reply. I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open any longer. What would happen in the morning?


	5. Complicated This Feeling

**A/N: I only got 2 reviews, but they made me smile sooo big I decided to go ahead and post more! Seriously you guys made my day! Hehehe! So now on to chapter 5!**

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My eyes opened slowly as the sun peaked through a crack in my curtains. My head ached a little as did my body. The previous nights events came flooding back and a small smile came to my face. It was incredible, but the thought of the one I loved, James, entered my mind. I know we weren't together, but I felt like I had betrayed him somehow. I knew I hadn't, but why did I feel some what guilty about sleeping with Kendall? I turned, having my back to him as he lay behind me, his arm around my waist. He was still sound asleep, eyelids twitching slightly as he dreamed. He was adorable, I couldn't deny that no matter how hard I tried. His body felt good against mine too. It was soothing having him there with me in my room. A room that I was usually in alone. I turned my body to face his and looked at the sleeping form beside me. The memory of the night before made me smile and he shifted in his sleep, snuggling closer to me, his head moving closer to my chest. I wrapped my arm around his neck and softly massaged his scalp as he slept. Where did this leave us? Would we still be friends or would we be more? My head was spinning with endless questions. I wasn't even sure what had happened exactly. Did I have feelings for Kendall? I knew I loved him, I always had, but did I feel for him like I did for James? I knew I was in love with James, but I had slept with Kendall. Twice actually, even if the first time was because we were both drunk and out of it. I was lost in my thoughts as I heard Kendall yawn and felt him shift again. I looked down and our eyes connected. I couldn't keep the smile from my face as he looked up at me with his droopy eyes. He really was adorable. He returned the smile before pulling away and stretching.

"Sleep good?" He asked, lying back beside me, scratching the back of his head.

"Yeah. You?" I replied, somewhat sad that he had pulled away from my touch.

"Eh…" He shrugged.

A silence enveloped the both of us. Kendall wasn't looking at me again. He kept his gaze fixed upon the ceiling as I looked at him, trying to read his thoughts, but of course not succeeding. I had to ask him something and I knew it could make or break us.

"Do you…do you regret last night?" I blurted out, just coming right to the point.

His head shot to the side, looking at me with a shocked expression.

"What? Why would I regret it?" He asked me, sitting up slightly.

He hovered over me slightly as I lay there, looking up into his green iris'. I shrugged a little, not really knowing what else to say.

"Well, you won't look at me or anything so I just figured…." I started, but he quickly silenced me.

"Whoa, Kennah. Girl, I just woke up." He interrupted, a smile tugging at his lips.

He leaned over me more, bringing our faces only a few inches apart and stroked my cheek with his thumb.

"Kennah, I don't and would never regret anything with you." He said, looking deep into my eyes. "Last night was incredible, way beyond it actually, but I wouldn't change it or take it back. For anything."

A smile came to my lips as well. What was happening to me? Just the day before I could think of nothing but James and now I could see myself with Kendall. It made no sense, but made perfect sense all at the same time. I was confused by it all, but I knew that one thing was real and that was Kendall being here, in my bed with me. I could feel his touch and his kiss and everything he had to offer. James was another story. Yes he touched me, but not like a lover does. Yes he kissed me, but never on the lips like I had longed for him to for years. I felt Kendall lean in closer to me and my eyes drifted shut as our lips met for the first time that morning. Again he was tender and passionate, our lips colliding with a perfect friction as our tongues danced together. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him tightly against me, his fingers entangling themselves in my hair. Once we parted, our eyes locked again, bringing another smile to my face and his.

"Kennah, I want to tell you something. Something I should've told you a long time ago, but never had the courage to." He told me, never looking away from my eyes.

"What?" I whispered.

"I…I've always been into you. Always. You were so perfect and you still are. You drive me crazy, but I can't stand to be apart from you. You're an addiction that I can't control and…I'm not sure I want to." He explained to me, never looking away from my eyes.

Addiction? I was an addiction? I felt my heart flutter and butterflies stirring in my stomach. Just as I opened my mouth to speak, Kendall's cell began ringing. We both groaned and he reached down to the floor, grabbing it from his jeans pocket. A frown came to his face suddenly and he looked at me with a sad expression.

"It's James." He said before answering it. "Hey bro. What's up?"

I could faintly hear James on the other end, but couldn't make out what he was saying.

"Whoa, James….James, slow down….you want me to put you on speaker…okay hang on…"

Kendall pressed the speaker button on his cell and the faint sound of static could be heard as well as James talking.

"Am I on speaker now Ken?" He asked.

"Yeah, now what did you wanna tell me and Kennah?" Kendall asked, sitting back down beside me as I sat up, using the sheet to cover my chest.

Kendall pulled me to him, wrapping his arm around me and lying his head in the crook of my neck, kissing lightly. I smiled to myself, cuddling closer to him.

"You guys are never gonna believe it. I'm serious, this is big, huge…I still can't believe it." James rambled.

"James, chill out and just tell us." I said, laughing lightly.

What happened that was so 'huge'? Did he buy something that he shouldn't have.

"Are you guys listening cause I'm only gonna say it once."

"James, fucking spit it out already man." Kendall added, sounding somewhat annoyed.

I looked at him as he lifted his head from my shoulder. A smirk lay on his lips and I couldn't help but smile.

"Okay guys…Nicole's pregnant."

Both Kendall and I wore similar looks, that I was sure of. Nicole was pregnant? With James' child?

"Nic…Nicole's pregnant? When did you find this out?" Kendall asked, looking towards me.

I wasn't sure how to react at all. How was I supposed to feel? Was I supposed to be happy cause James was going to be a dad or should I feel betrayed because I had longed for him for so long? And Kendall? What was going on? My head was spinning from shock and my heart was threatening to pound clean out of my chest. I could feel it all over my body. I felt Kendall grab my hand bring me back to reality and to the conversation, where James was trying to get my attention.

"Kennah, hey…you there?" I heard James ask, sounding worried that I hadn't said anything.

I couldn't find my voice for a few seconds, like it was stuck in my throat, but Kendall's reassuring touch made me feel a little better.

"Yeah…yeah I'm here." I was finally able to reply.

"You had me worried there girl." James said, a light laugh slipping out.

"Sorry. I'm good though. Congrats."

I saw the sad look on Kendall's face as I talked to our friend. He looked almost heartbroken.

"Yeah James, congrats. Have you called your mom yet? Or Logan or Carlos?" Kendall asked

"Not yet. I wanted to tell you first. My mom is the next phone call. Hey, if she asks, don't tell her she wasn't the first one I called."

Kendall laughed, covering his mouth as he did so.

"No problem bro."

"Alright. Gotta call Mom and let her know she's gonna be a Grandma. Kendall, do you think she's gonna be pissed?"

"James, why on earth would your mother be pissed?" I asked him.

"Well, Nic and I aren't married…"

"James, go call your mom. The longer you put it off, the more nervous you're gonna get." Kendall interrupted.

"Alright later."

"Bye."

Kendall ended the call and tossed his phone down on the bed side table. The sad look had returned to his face again. He lay back down, one hand under his head and the other rested on his stomach. I smiled down at him, but got no reaction. He was looking out my window at the sky and didn't see it. I grabbed his hand, interlacing our fingers together, trying to get his attention. It did the trick. His eyes shot up to meet mine.

"What's wrong?" I asked, lying down beside him and resting myself against his side.

His arm quickly wrapped around me, holding me to him.

"I'm just shocked I guess…." He said, trailing off at the end.

I traced random things on his chest with my index finger, knowing he wasn't telling me everything. I knew he didn't lie when he said he was shocked, but it wasn't the whole truth either.

"Kendall, are you afraid this changes things…with us?"

He looked away from my eyes for a second before reconnecting them again.

"I know you're hurt Kennah. I could see it in your eyes." He answered me, rubbing my shoulder with his fingertips.

"But there's nothing I can do. James wants to be with her and now they're gonna be parents. Yeah, I'm hurt, but…Kendall, he doesn't want me obviously. He's made that clear."

"Kennah, you love him. Everyone but James seems to know it. How can we possibly hope to be anything with the way you feel for him?"

I knew he didn't mean it to be hurtful, but it hurt me to hear him say it. I wasn't incapable of loving him just because of my feelings for James. I broke our eye contact and pulled away from him slightly. I wasn't sure what to say to him after that last statement, nor did I know how I was supposed to answer his question. I felt the tears threatening to fall as I tried to hold it together. That's what this was about. He was worried about us. Had I been so blind to see how Kendall had felt for _me_? It hit me suddenly and weighed down on me like the aftermath of hurricane. I felt the tears slip down my cheek and I tried my best to hide it from Kendall. The last thing I wanted was to cry and let him see that I was hurting and ashamed of myself for everything I had done. Not the being with him part, but the fact that I had been just as blind as James had been. The guilt felt like it was almost crushing me. I turned on my side, facing away from Kendall, hoping to hide my tears from him. But I could never hide anything from him.

"Kennah…I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." I heard him say, his voice barely above a whisper.

"No, you're right. I'm…I've been selfish and…" I replied trailing off, trying to hold my composer as best as I could.

"No Kennah, no. You didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't of said what I did."

I turned to face him again, fresh tears dancing their way down my cheeks. As new ones began to fall, I felt his finger tips wiping them away.

"Kennah…I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm so sorry. I just…I don't want to see you hurt anymore. I wanna be with you. If you'll have me."

Again tears cascaded downward, but not because I was hurt, but because it felt so good to have someone tell me those things. I grasped onto him, holding him as close to me as I could. He wrapped his arms around me, rocking slightly. I could hear him whispering in my ear that everything would be okay and not to cry. I finally looked up at his eyes, doing my best to see what he was thinking.

"Kendall, I don't know what to do. I…wanna be with you. But James…I'm so confused. I don't know what to do." I tried to explain, but my own mind was a total mess

"Kennah, you have to do what you think is right for you. I'm not gonna pressure you into anything okay. Do you want to give it a chance with me? All you have to do is say yes or no. I'll still care about you no matter what you say and I'll still be here for you."

"Kenny…I want to."

"Then you have to promise me something."

"What?"

He looked deep into my eyes before speaking.

"Promise me…promise me that you wouldn't be doing this just to get back at James. Promise me that you want to give this a chance because you feel something for me. If you can't promise those things then there's no point in this even going any farther. And I know you'll tell me the truth. I know you too well to think you'll lie to me."

A part of me wanted to tell him I promised him those things, but I was still doubting myself. How did it all come to this?

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**Dun, dun, dun! Big friggin curve ball I threw you guys there with the whole James' gf getting pregnant huh? I knew I needed something to test the relationship with Kendall and Kennah and that seemed to be perfect in a fort of effed up way lol.**

**So...what's Kennah gonna decide bout her and Kendall huh? Keep reading hehehehe, I am such an evil lil shit :D**


	6. Just To Feel You

**A/N: I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but I needed something. It's more of a filler really. But bah! On with it I suppose!**

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It'd been a few weeks since James' announcement of Nicole's pregnancy. Kendall and I had spent a lot of time together. I still had mixed feelings about everything. I cared for Kendall so much, but I had been in love with James since high school. I couldn't just erase those feelings like they never existed. It was really taking a toll on me. I felt uneasy every time James and Kendall were around me at the same time and I felt like such a backstabber. I was sitting in my living room watching TV, just trying to relax. No such luck though. My brain felt overloaded with endless questions and doubts about everything. My head ached with an on-coming migraine when the shrill ring of the phone started echoing through my house. I cringed at the noise as I stood from my couch and headed to the kitchen where my phone was sitting on the counter. I answered it as fast as I could.

"Hello…."

"Hey Kennah." I heard James' voice say on the other end.

I smiled sadly, not knowing what to say to him.

"Hey James. What're you doing?" I asked, going to the living room to lay back on the couch.

"Nothing really. Nicole had a doctor's appointment so I'm just sittin at home by myself."  
"Sounds like fun…well not really."

He laughed at my comment before saying anything.

"Too true. Hey…can I ask you something Kennah?"

"Of course. You didn't even have to ask me that."

"Well, it's kind of personal."

"Personal how?"

"It's about Kendall."

I paused for a second before replying. Why did James need to talk to me about Kendall?

"O…kay. What about him?" I finally asked.

"Well…you know he's really into you right? I mean he always has been, but here lately you're all he talks about. I mean I know _something_ happened between you guys on your birthday." He explained.

"James…is there a point here? Cause I'm not catching on to what you're trying to say."

"Kennah, Kendall is like in love with you. Has been for years. All of us think you and Ken would be so good for each other."

"Who is this 'us' you're talking about?"

"Well the guys and me. Nicole said something about it too. And she doesn't even know you that well. We all see how he looks at you. You are like the only thing he sees when you're around. And what happened after everyone else left the night of your birthday? He wouldn't shut up about you all day the next day when we were at the studio."

"James…you're my best friend, but I don't really want to explain that to you."

I had to laugh a little. James was looking out for someone who was like his brother. We, as in Kendall and I, hadn't said anything to anyone yet about us. I wasn't really sure what we were exactly, but for the time being we were keeping it on the down low.

"C'mon Kennah. Best friend here. Best friend!" I heard James say, a slight giggle slipping from his mouth.

I could just see him sitting on his couch, phone in one hand while pointing to himself with the other. The thought made me laugh a little.

"Best friend or not, I'm not saying a word." I replied, a genuine smile coming to my face.

"Kennah…okay, I'm just gonna say it. I know what happened."

"No you don't. Kendall and I could've been up watching movies."

"Yeah of the x-rated kind. C'mon, I know he made your bed rock."

"You can no longer watch the Flinstones James! That is such a gross analogy."

James and I both busted into a fit of laughter and moments later I heard my front door open and close. I turned in the direction of the sound and saw Kendall as he walked towards me. I smiled at him as he approached my side and sat down next to me.

"Who's on the phone?" He asked once seated beside me.

"Hey, is that Ken?" James asked.

"Yeah it is. Just got here. It's James." I said, leaning on Kendall.

"Ah ha, I was right!"

"Gimme the phone." Kendall said with a playful smirk as I handed him my phone. "Bro, leave Kennah alone or I'll break your lucky comb."

I sat back and watched the conversation from Kendall's side. His smile was back at least. I hadn't seen it the past few days. Finally, he hung up the phone after telling James bye for at least 5 minutes. Once hanging up he sat my phone on the coffee table in front of the two of us. Again, I leaned into him just wanting to feel him against me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me as close as he could. Even though it had been a few weeks since we had been together, we hadn't really been this close. There was no kissing or cuddling. Mainly just hanging out. It was nice to feel his arms around me again. I finally looked up into his eyes, smiling as I did so. He looked back, brushing some hair out of my face and stroking my cheek.

"Hey." I said, almost whispered.

"Hey." He replied with a laugh. "I missed you."

I watched as the red appeared on his face and his smile became bigger. To hear those things come from him felt so great. My once on-coming migraine had vanished and all that was left was peaceful paradise.

"I missed you to." I told him, tracing my fingers across his stomach through his t-shirt.

"So what did James have to say to you?"

I laughed a little at his question before sitting up where we were face to face.

"He was very curious as to what happened…um…the night of my birthday." I answered, trying to hold in my smile.

Kendall looked confused for a second, but the light bulb above his head soon lit up.

"Oh between us? Why?" He asked me, laughing a little.

I gave a smirk before climbing into his lap and straddling him. He looked a little shocked at first, but didn't utter a word. I heard the gulp he made as I got comfortable.  
"Well, James and the guys seem to think we'd be good together. Even miss Nicole Smitts herself has said something." I explained.

I was trying my best to be as sexy as I possibly could. I know I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world or the most fit, but I am in good shape and I have confidence in myself. I have never once gotten a complaint on my figure. I'm not tooth pick skinny or what you would consider full figured. I simply have curves and at the moment Kendall seemed to be enjoying every inch of me.

"Oh re…really?" He stuttered, looking down to my breasts that were showing slightly from the low cut shirt I was wearing.

He quickly looked back to my eyes though and blushed when he realized he'd been caught getting an eye full. I smiled wickedly as I lifted his head back up where our eyes could meet once again.

"Kenny, why are you blushing?" I asked him, running my hands across his chest.

I could feel his heart racing as I drug my nails down towards his stomach. I faintly heard him hiss as he closed his eyes. Once he opened them again I could see the desire he was feeling as well as feel his growing excitement against my inner thigh. His grip tightened on my hips as he pulled me closer against him.

"I'm not fucking blushing now." He growled against my lips, which were only inches away from his.

"I noticed. I also noticed that you've become rather…excited."

"Kennah, you are such a damn tease…but I fucking like it."

"I can think of a lot of things you might like but I'm not sure you want me to do any of them."

"Why wouldn't I? I wanted to tear these clothes off of you when I walked in the room."

I smiled and bit my bottom lip slightly. I loved hearing what he had to say especially when he sounded so damn sexy saying it. Every word held desire in them as they left his lips.

"Then why haven't you Kendall ?" I asked, circling my hips ever so slightly just to give a little attention to the untouched bulge in his jeans.

A somewhat strangled sounding groan escaped his lips and his head fell against the back of my couch.

"Fucking…girl you are gonna seriously be the death of me." He muttered, his tongue darting out to moisten his dry lips as he looked back into my eyes.

"At least you'd die satisfied." I replied, removing my top and throwing it to the side.

His eyes once again shot to my now naked chest and stayed glued there for a few seconds.

"No bra today?" He smirked, one eyebrow raising.

I gave him my signature grin before pressing my chest against his.

"Would you rather I go put one on? I can you know."

"Fuck no. It should be a fucking law that you and only you should never have to wear clothes."

"I could say the same, but unfortunately you still have clothes on and…" I said, trailing my hand slowly down his chest to finally grasp a hold of what I'd wanted since this game started. "…I think these pants might be getting a little tight. Don't you?"

"Oh fucking Christ…"

"Now, now Kendall. Thou shall not take thy lord's name in vain."

He moaned loudly as I handled his manhood through his jeans. I must admit, he'd been bigger than I originally thought. Not that I was going to complain one bit. He had quiet the show piece and knew how to use it to it's full potential. I noticed the beads of sweat forming on his forehead as I snaked my hand inside his jeans after undoing them. He let another hiss slip out as I began to stroke him slowly. His fingertips were digging into my hips. There was no way I wouldn't have bruises from it, but I didn't care.

"Kennah…good God that fucking…feels good…" He began rambling.

I smiled, knowing I was at least making him feel good. It gave me goosebumps all over. I felt him trembling slightly under me as his eyes reconnected with mine. I stopped my actions and removed my hand from his jeans which earned me a grunt of dissatisfaction.

"Why'd you stop?" He asked, rubbing his forehead with his hand.

"Cause…" I started, licking my lips. "Kendall, do you want me?"

"Fuck yes." He answered, a small laugh slipping out as well.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"Nothing now. You are mine."

Within seconds I was on my back on the couch, my panties being removed and thrown away. Kendall's clothes followed after. Once we we're both naked, I pushed him back against the couch and straddled him again.

"Hey, I thought I said you were mine?" He said smirking up at me.

"I am…but it's my turn to be on top."

Finally our lips met. I had missed his kiss so much. Hell, I had missed the feel of his body on mine. Our tongues danced wildly as I felt his tip at my entrance. In one quick motion, I lined him up and quickly slammed myself onto him. Once there, I rolled my hips slowly, drawing out a long moan from deep in his throat. His hands were at my hips again, lifting me, aiding me in riding him. Within minutes he had me screaming his name at the top of my lungs as he slammed into me. I felt his fingers tangled in my hair, lightly pulling it, which turned me on even more. His other hand he couldn't keep in one spot, moving it from my hip, to my breasts, to my ass. His mouth was occupied with suckling my nipples into his mouth. We both came together, screaming the others name. By the end of the night, there wasn't a room left in my house that hadn't had us in it at one time or another.

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**Pretty much a random smutty chapter hahaha, but in a way I kinda felt like it needed it to show that there is something there between the two. Hope it wasn't too horrible!**


	7. Funny Feeling

**A/N: I'm uber sorry for not updating in several days! It's been sooo hectic, but here I am with chapter 7 finally. Can't say I'm happy with it 100%, but I was having trouble with this chapter. I also feel like this story is only gonna be only a few more chapters long! I haven't made up my mind yet. But thank you to those who have reviewed and continued reading.**

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The next day I sat and watched as the guys rehearsed. They were amazing as always. I sat with Kelly and Gustavo as the guys rehearsed. Kendall would sneak winks and blow kisses my way every once in a while, but only to have Gustavo scold him for it. As much as the guy tried to act the big shot, he really did care about the guys. Kelly was pretty cool as well, always looking out for the boys, knowing exactly when they needed a break or a breather of sorts. Speaking of which here they come now.

"Dogs! Good rehearsal, but not great! Improve immediately!" Gustavo announced only causing a small chuckle from the guys and an eye roll from Kelly.

"Gustavo, we've been practicing for like four hours. No breaks." Logan complained, dropping down onto one of the chairs.

"And yet you still can't dance!" Gustavo announced, back going straight as he sat up slightly in his chair.

"But we've been doing vocals…" Carlos started.

"And you can't sing or dance! Still."

"Yet, I can do both and still look good. And have an amazing hair day."

"You are so…is there anything left in that head or is it full of Cuda?" Kelly asked.

"Okay, okay. Just a small break and we'll get back to work and blow you away." Kendall said, draping his arm loosely around my shoulder before leaning in to give me a small kiss.

"Aww. You two are so cute." Kelly said, making Kendall and I both blush.

Kendall and I both smiled at each other before turning our attention back to everyone else.

"Yes. Cute. Now…uh. Where was I?" Gustavo asked, looking completely lost in his train of thought.

"I can't dance!" Logan said.

"I can't sing or dance." Carlos added/

"We're going to blow you away." Kendall concluded.

"Yes. Right. Kendall you are being a little…too cooperative today."

Kendall shrugged and looked at me again before speaking.

"I just…have everything I need I guess."

I could see Gustavo look between Kendall and I. Those ridiculous yellow-gold shaded glasses making him look somewhat bug-eyed.

"Sooo…she's what has brought this change on?" He asked.

"That and he got laid." James said quickly, fake coughing to cover it up, but knowing we all heard him.

"Right. I will pretend I didn't hear that. You." Gustavo pointed directly at me.

"Yes?"

"He's more cooperative. Nicer, easier to control. I like you. Dogs, make her you're new assistant or something. She seems to keep you guys under control. And Carlos get me a latte."

"But isn't that Kelly's job?" Carlos asked.

"Get. Me. A. Latte. NOW!"

Carlos quickly grabbed his helmet which was sitting beside him and took off down the hall

"AND DON'T BREAK THE MACHINE THIS TIME! GRIFFIN IS TIRED OF PAYING FOR NEW ONES!"

"Guys, I think we're done for today. You all look bushed." Kelly said, standing and straightening out her skirt.

"Really? Awesome. Now I have time to get a shower in before Nicole comes over." James praised, lightly pumping his fist.

"Yeah. Camille and I are gonna go to a movie tonight. Now we can go to dinner too." Logan said, smiling.

Everyone dispersed just as Carlos came back with Gustavo's latte. Kendall and myself walked out hand in hand. We were quiet for the most part. I could tell there was something on his mind as we made our way through the halls. His hand slipped from mine and I felt him wrap his arm around me again.

"Hey beautiful." He whispered before placing a small kiss to my neck.

"Hey yourself. You guys we're great today." I replied, wrapping my arm around his waist.

"Thanks babe. It'd be nice to hear that from Gustavo at some point."

"He cares about you guys. He just doesn't know how to show it."

"At least he likes you. But there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

I knew there was something on his mind. Just as we reached his car parked outside, we stopped, him turning me to face him. I leaned back against his car and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Well, we kinda have this thing coming up for the new album. It's a release party." He said, taking me by surprise.

I hadn't heard any of the new music yet even though I had been begging the guys to let me listen.

"Really? Kendall babe that's great! But what does that have to do with me?" I asked him.

"Well, I was wondering if…well did you maybe…would you go? Not just as an invite, but like my date. I want to show you off. Show the world that I have the most beautiful amazing girlfriend."

I was touched. This guy was making me weak in the knees to say the least.

"Kenny, of course I'll go. I'll always support you and be there."

"But it's gonna be different this time. Usually you don't get to see the paparazzi and all that. I just want you to be aware. I didn't want you to be shocked by it."

I smiled at him before pulling him by the back of his neck to bring his lips to mine in a kiss.

"I would go anywhere you asked me to." I answered once I pulled away from his lips.

He smiled the biggest smile at me as he wrapped his arms around me once more.

"You're so incredible." He whispered, pulling away and resting his hands on my hips.

"That being said.." I started and he cocked an eyebrow at me. "If we're going into a dark room, fuck that shit you're going in first."

He laughed again as his bright green eyes lit up. The butterflies in my stomach were going crazy and Kendall's smile made a jolt of electricity shoot straight through me with the most simplest touch of him lightly pressing his lips against mine again. What was this feeling?

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**A/N: I told you it sucked! But I'm still working hard on this story!**


	8. Dragonfly

**A/N: Been a few days, but I'm having bad writers block with this story. I love it which is why I hate not updating sooner! Urgh! But here I am with chapter 8 finally! And I was sooo shocked how well my very first Kames fic was reviewed. I honestly didn't think it'd get much attention, but one of my favorite authors said it was the best thing she'd ever read! Thank you Love and Heartz for that boost! Now on with the chapter and thank you to everyone who has been reading!**

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The following week was amazing to say the least. Everything had seemed to fall right into place. I was no longer nervous or uneasy when I was with James and Kendall at the same time. James, being the man that he is, gave Kendall and I his full blessing. Like we actually needed it, but I think it made it easier knowing he liked the idea of Kendall and I together. Nicole and I had actually become good friends. She was easy to talk to and funny as hell. Kendall and I had spent almost every moment together. He showered me with gifts everyday and several days a week, I would get flowers. My whole office was covered in vases of my favorite flowers, stargazer lilies. He most certainly knew how to win a girls heart. Tonight the guys were having a party at a club to celebrate the release of their new album Kendall asked me to go along. Said he needed to show off his 'mad skills' on the dance floor. I laughed at the comment, knowing he could dance his ass off if he needed to. I had just hopped out of the shower when I heard his car pull up outside. I watched as he jogged from the sidewalk to my door. Once he was inside, I heard him call out to me.

"Kennah, babe! Where are you?" He hollered.

"Upstairs Kenny." I called out my bedroom door, then turning and going to my closet.

I was searching for something to wear when I felt his strong arms wrap around me from behind. He moved my hair from my neck in order to place a soft kiss on my shoulder.

"Mmmm, babe. You always smell so damn good when you get out of the shower." He mumbled then placed another kiss to my neck.

I smiled and turned to face him, quickly pulling his face closer where I could feel his lips on mine.

"It's called soap Kendall." I joked once we parted.

"Funny ha, ha. You should be a comedian. Could of waited for me before you got in the shower though."

He gave me that signature smirk that I had come to love oh so well. I wanted to give him the evil eye, but instead I giggled and smiled.

"You are insatiable I swear."

"With an amazing sex drive. You forgot to mention that Kennah."

I playfully slapped his chest and pushed him back where he quickly and overdramatically fell back against my bed.

"Oh, I've been abused. Help! My woman beats me!" He said, playfully thrashing slightly.

"Kendall, shut up!" I laughed, smiling at his antics.

He could be so childish, but it was one of the things that made Kendall, well Kendall.

"But baby, I like it. Now c'mere and gimme some suga!" He said, pulling me over to the bed.

"Babe, I'm trying to get ready." I giggled, squirming in his grasp.

"Go naked. It's more comfortable." He said, leaning back on his elbows as I straddled him.

"As much as _you _would enjoy that, I do believe LAPD would pick me up and haul me off to jail."

"Yeah, but I know people. And when you know people, they know people, that know people, that you think might know people you know."

I sat there dumbfound for a second, giving him the weirdest look.

"Kendall, do you have any idea of what you mean by that?" I asked trying not to laugh.

"Not one fucking clue." He stated, then laughed.

He pulled me down onto the bed with him. I loved looking up at him as he looked over me. I felt so safe and secure. It was these times I cherished so much with him. He smiled down at me before reconnecting our lips once again.

"You're so beautiful Kennah." He whispered once pulling away from my lips.

"As are you." I stated causing a small laugh to slip out of him mouth.

"I don't think I've ever been called beautiful before."

"But you are. And I don't just mean physically. You're just…beautiful."

I saw the red rush to his cheeks, but he never broke eye contact with me.

"Kennah, you are the most incredible woman I have ever fucking met. There's not a day goes by that you don't amaze me."

I smiled widely. He made me feel so special. He never once failed to tell me I was beautiful. He never said hot or sexy to me like most guys do. He always called me beautiful.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." I stated honestly.

He smiled down at me again, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. My phone going off broke us out of our daze as "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5 began playing, signaling James was calling. I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and answered.

"Yes James." I said.

I heard him laugh on the other end before replying.

"Hey Kennah. Um have you seen Kendall? He's not answering his cell, so I figured he must be with you getting molested." James replied, causing me to laugh

"What did that perv say?" Kendall asked me, smirking

"Apparently, I'm molesting you." I answered him

"Damn straight Jamesy boy!"

Kendall grabbed my phone from me and pressed it to his ear, giving me the chance to get dressed. I peered back into my closet, trying to find a good outfit, finally deciding on my zebra print mini skirt and black lace top. Once pulling the items from my closet, I turned back to Kendall giving him the signal that I was going to get dressed. I stopped by my dresser to grab the necessary black lacy bra and matching boy shorts. Once I had everything gathered in my arms, I walked into the bathroom and quickly placed my undergarments on. I had just grabbed my skirt when I heard Kendall cursing.

"Bull fucking shit! I don't want her there James." I heard him exclaim.

I exited the bathroom and looked in to see what it was that had caused Kendall to have such an outburst. One look at his face and I could tell he wasn't in the best of moods anymore. I walked over to the bed, where he was now sitting on the edge with his head in his hand.

"James, she's gonna pull some kinda fucked up game on Kennah if she comes. And I'm not gonna tell Kennah she can't come. She my fucking girlfriend bro. Why can't the little tramp just fuck off?" Kendall stated, grabbing my hand as I sat down next to him.

I wasn't sure what was going on, but it must have been bad for Kendall to be acting the way he was. I could faintly hear James' voice on the other end, but couldn't make out what it was he was saying.

"Just make sure she keeps her distance. I don't even like the idea of her being there to begin with. And help keep her away from Kennah."

I was confused as hell as to what was going on. Nothing was making sense.

"Kendall…" I started, but didn't continue.

"Alright. I'll see you later. Bye."

He quickly hung up the phone and looked down at it in his hands, refusing to connect our eyes.

"Kendall, what happened?" I finally asked, his eyes finally meeting mine.

"My ex is gonna be at the club tonight." He said simply.

"Who?"

"Um you remember a girl named Ashlyn?"

Oh. Hell. Fucking. No. She was the one person I couldn't stand. She was your typical bleach blonde bitch that just annoyed me to no end. I had actually never met her face to face, but I had overheard plenty of phone conversations and saw enough pictures to know she was nothing but a self-absorbed Barbie doll. She had broken Kendall's heart and that was enough for me to not like her. They had been together a short time, but she royally screwed him over, breaking up with him simply because he wasn't her "type" of guy. Whatever that meant.

"I'm sorry Kennah, but I can't just tell the club she can't come." Kendall stated after seeing that I was slightly upset.

I regained my composer and looked at him.

"You have no reason to be sorry. No I don't want to see her, but tonight is for you and the guys. It'll be okay." I told him genuinely, making sure to look him in the eye.

He sighed loudly, removing his beanie from his head as he laid back against my bed.

"James is supposed to watch you while I'm doing my interview. I just…she's a drama queen and I know if given the opportunity she'll start shit. Why do you think I never introduced you to her?"

"Kendall, it's okay. You don't have to explain anything. We're gonna go and have a good time. Don't worry about her. I'm not going to let some dolled up little two-timing tramp ruin this for you or me."

Finally he smiled up at me. He sat up again and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you. You're too good for me." He whispered, causing me to pull away slightly.

"Don't ever say that. Kendall you are amazing and if this girl ever made you feel less than that then she's a mother fucking idiot!" I declared, standing from the bed and pulling him with me.

He looked shocked at my outburst, but I had never liked hearing that he was never good enough. He was more important than he realized.

"Kennah baby, I'm sorry. I just…I don't know what I'd do without you." He apologized, smiling.

I smiled back at him as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in close.

"You will never be without me. No matter what happens." I told him, rubbing the back of his scalp.

"Good, but you're about to have a problem."

I looked at him skeptically for a moment before he continued.

"You're about to seriously have those boy shorts and bra ripped the fuck off of you if you don't put some damn clothes on."

I laughed, pulling away from him and grabbing my skirt from the bed where I had sat it when I came back into the room. Once in my hand I walked back to the bathroom with Kendall in tow. I could feel his eyes on me as we made the short walk to my bathroom.

"Is James bringing Nicole?" I asked, slipping my skirt up my legs and over my hips.

"Yeah she's coming. We already told everyone no one could drink tonight cause we all kinda made a deal not to while Nic is pregnant." He replied, jumping up onto my countertop.

I grabbed my top and slipped it over my head. Once down, I took the time to straighten it out and make sure everything looked right. It was slightly low cut and I could tell Kendall was enjoying the view.

"Not all of you drink, but Jett drinks enough for all of us combined sometimes." I replied, a slight laugh slipping

"My point exactly. I love the guy to death, but he takes partying to a whole new level."

"Yeah like off the damn scale."

Kendall laughed again as I grabbed some earrings and a few rings from my jewelry box on the counter.

"I got you something." Kendall said suddenly, making me look directly at him.

"What? Kenny, you don't have to…" I started.

"But I want to. I like spoiling you."

I smiled as he jumped off my counter and reached into his pocket. Whatever he had was small enough to fit in his hand.

"It's nothing big or extravagant, but I thought you would like it." He said, moving to stand behind me and placing something around my neck.

When I looked in the mirror I saw a gorgeous necklace of a dragonfly that seemed to glitter with stones of lavender. I had always had a thing about dragonflies ever since I was little and he knew that. He also knew that my favorite color was purple. Once he had it fastened he dropped his arms and wrapped them around my waist from behind.

"Do you like it?" He asked, smiling, knowing damn well that I loved it.

"Kendall, it's gorgeous." I told him, finally touching it. "I love it."

"I thought you would. Now, grab your shoes and get your beautiful ass in my car. We got an album to celebrate."

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**Cliffhanger I know**

**Forgive me? I'm gonna post the next chapter as soon as it's written! It's almost done! Drama bee on da way!**


	9. Can I Kill Barbie Damnit!

Chapter 9: Can I Kill Barbie?

The release party was a lot bigger than I had thought. Fans were screaming behind barricades, signs showing their love for their favorite band. Carlos was the first to step out of the limo with his date in tow, though I couldn't remember her name. Next were Logan and Camille. I was jealous of how elegant she always looked when she dressed up. She could take the most simplest of outfits and look absolutely stunning. When I joked about it with Kendall, he only looked at me and said, no one could compare to me. I smiled, feeling like the most important girl in the world. Now it was time for James and Nicole to step out and they did so, both smiling and glowing. They looked so happy. Finally, it was mine and Kendall's turn and I was a little nervous. This would be the first time I made an appearance as a date instead of just an invite. The camera flashes were blinding at we stepped out, but Kendall didn't seem that phased by it. I on the other hand could only see multi-colored dots dance across my eyes as they tried to adjust. Kendall held onto me by the waist, stopping and posing for pictures and him even signing a few autographs before we were finally inside. The club was completely full of people.

"You okay?" I heard Kendall ask me, knowing I was feeling overwhelmed.

I nodded and smiled as we made our way towards a table where the rest of the guys and their dates were sitting.

"Woo hoo! What a rush!" Carlos exclaimed just as Kendall and I took a seat on one of the leather couches.

"I think it always will be, no matter how many albums we put out." Logan added, nodding.

"I just can't believe it. You guys have made it farther than you thought you would. No one at the Palm Woods has shit on you guys!" Camille said, her grin spreading from ear to ear as she leaned onto Logan.

"Ha, and I certainly don't miss Bitters! He always had a way to ruin my most perfect hair days." James concluded, running his hand through his now shorter locks.

I was kinda sad to see his longer hair gone, but the short do' did look pretty good on him. But James would always be gorgeous no matter what he did. As would the blond that was currently wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me in for a quick kiss. I smiled at him as he pulled away and he returned it. But something different lay in his eyes when I looked into them. I could see the joy and excitement, but something else was there too. Sadness? His normal bright green eyes held a glimmer of doubt in them, that I couldn't exactly place. Was he still worried about his ex?

"Want a drink?" Kendall asked me, shaking me from my thoughts.

"Sure. Yeah." I replied, grasping his hand in mine tightly as he stood.

Another smile came to his face. One that seemed bigger, causing his eyes to finally brighten at the small contact.

"You grab drinks Kendork! The girls and I are gonna shake a tail feather on the dance floor! It's my song!" Nicole exclaimed, finally speaking as she grabbed mine and Camille's hands.

"I'll be back." Kendall laughed then gave me a small kiss just before Nicole pulled us away.

The DJ was playing Jennifer Lopez' "On the Floor" and I had to admit, I loved the song, but I really just wanted to find out what was wrong with Kendall. Something was bothering him even if he wasn't saying it. Soon the music was taking over and Nicole, Camille and I were all laughing and having a good time. We looked back over to see the guys, and Carlos' date whom only seemed interested in being seen with him rather than having a good time, talking and laughing. I could feel Kendall's eyes on me as we danced. Once a few song's passed we began to walk back to our friends when someone ran right into Camille, almost knocking her over. I looked at the girl. Bleach blond hair, way too much make up and an overly tight white leather dress. Wow. Didn't know they let cheap hookers into upscale clubs like this one.

"Watch where the fuck you're going!" The girl exclaimed, slightly shoving Camille's shoulder.

The voice was just as atrocious as her appearance. It was like a valley girl. Only on crack! My friend looked at the girl and rolled her eyes before crossing her arms over her chest and puffing loudly.

"You ran into me Ashlyn! So watch where the fuck _you're_ going!" Camille stated and, in all honesty, I had never heard her speak to anyone like that.

True she was a method actress and was really damn good at faking it and making it look real, but this. This _was_ real. She spoke to this girl with venom in her words and…wait did she just say Ashlyn? As in like Kendall's ex Ashlyn? All I could do was look at Nicole with a 'the fuck?' look. Again Ashlyn pushed Camille and I knew this was about to be a very bad situation. Sure Camille was a complete sweetheart, but even nice people had limits. This method actress was about to pop a gasket and fast if I didn't do something.

"What you think you're hot shit cause you still got Logan? Bitch I hit that twice before I picked up Kendall's ass." Ashlyn said, head weaving and hands moving like she owned the place.

I knew for a fact Logan would never be into this girl. No damn way. Speaking of which where the hell was that brainiac when we needed a way out of this before his girlfriend went crazy on this girl?

"Logan and you? Ha! That's funny. Please tell me more cause I haven't laughed enough today. I haven't heard jokes this good in years." Camille giggled, literally.

The girl rolled her eyes and then I felt the daggers on me. She glared hard at me before looking me up and down.

"You." She said, pointing.

"Back off Ashlyn!" Camille warned.

"I'm gonna go get James and the others." Nicole whispered.

I could only nod as she slowly walked away. I could feel the hatred this girl had for me and it was overpowering. I hadn't even met her before and I could just feel like if looks could kill, I would most certainly be lying dead in the floor of the club with the way she was looking at me.

"You're the only who Kendall was so obsessed with. Pathetic really, but I guess he prefers the dogs."

"I don't even know you." I said, trying to keep my cool.

Being called a dog, especially when she clearly looked like a drag queen, was a little insulting.

"Pfft. Please. You're all Kendall ever fucking talked about. Are you that blind? Wow, I didn't realize you were just as dense as Carlos and James."

"Watch you're fucking mouth!"

My anger was starting to boil as I walked right up into Ashlyn's face. I felt Camille pull me back a little, but I was still in enough of her personal space to let her know I would take her out if she didn't shut up.

"Oh. Deary is James still ignoring you? Poor pathetic little girl. Why on earth would James want you anyway? "

Just as I was ready to let the bitch have it with a verbal onslaught, I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist. I recognized it immediately as Kendall's as he stood between the blond and I.

"Ashlyn, fuck off. Leave my girlfriend alone." Kendall said, anger clearly in his voice.

I turned to see the others gathered as well. James walked to stand beside me.

"What's going on?" He asked, touching my arm lightly.

"She…"

"Oh Kendall, you really shouldn't have. And I mean seriously you shouldn't have. Her? Of all the girls, you want her? Seriously, how many girls have you taken to bed and you seriously want this one?" Ashlyn laughed.

As much as I didn't want to show it, the words she said hurt like hell. I knew of Knedall's promiscuous ways, but never to the full extent. I let a soft whimper leave my lips and a single tear to slip from me eye. I quickly felt an arm wrap around my shoulder and was pulled into a set of arms. All I could smell was that of Cuda and knew it was James.

"Shut the fuck up Ashlyn! You don't know shit! And her? She happens to be fucking amazing in ways you could never understand." I heard Kendall defend.

"Please. You actually think she'd get over pretty boy there that fast?"

I knew she had pointed at James just from the way James pulled away and I looked up to see the shocked look on his gorgeous face.

"What?" James asked. "What's she talking about? Kendall?"

Kendall and James exchanged glances. I felt like my heart had stopped. The room was spinning and I felt everyone's eyes on me.

"Told you he was dense." I heard the blond bimbo say.

"Shut the fuck up!" James barked, then locking his eyes with mine once again. "Kennah, what is she talking about?"

"James, please just don't…" I started but was quickly interrupted.

"She's fucking in love with you stupid! Well obsessing is more like it."

Before I could stop myself, I felt my body react and I quickly punched the girl square in the mouth. I felt like ripping out every strand of that fake hair from her head, but stopped myself.

"Kennah, babe stop." I heard Kendall from beside me.

I took in a deep breath and dared to lookup into those emerald eyes. There it was. That same sadness. I finally was able to place it. It…it wasn't about his ex or anything of the sort. It was me. My feelings for James. I felt myself crumbling under his gaze and could stop the tears. I could feel Kendall and James' hands on my shoulders and instead of it making me feel at ease, I felt like a sword was slicing right through me. I was in love with two people and it was tearing me apart. I quickly turned from both of them and ran away, determined to get away from them and stay that way for the rest of my life. All I was doing was tearing their world apart. I couldn't even be truthful to myself let alone them. What had I gotten myself into?


	10. Don't Give Up

**A/N: I'm not sure I'm entirely hapy with this chapter. Idk it seems like things seem...rushed maybe. Blarg, I dk, but I hope you guys still enjoy it! I didn't expect to have it up this fast but the good reviews I've gotten on this and my One shots have really inspired me to write :) Thank you guys so much!**

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I walked away completely broken and feeling like the worst person in the world. It had been a month since the club incident and I had not seen anyone at all. I had vacation time from work and I took it the morning after. I hadn't so much as stepped out of my house since, nor had I taken any phone calls. Everything went to my answering machine and voicemail, which only caused everyone to worry more. The cops had been to my house twice just to check on me. Everyone was worried about me, but I was so ashamed of myself for what I was feeling and what I was doing to the 2 most important men in my life. I had been in love with James for so long. I pined over him, wept for him, longed for him in so many ways. Yet, Kendall made my heart race and made me feel so alive. I couldn't be fair to either of them. I was literally the worst fucking person in the world. My phone ringing broke me of my thoughts again causing me to wipe at my tear stained cheeks again. After several rings the machine picked up. Soon all I could hear was Kendall's voice and more tears to my eyes. I was sitting in the middle of my couch, covered in tissues and a throw blanket that Kendall and I had actually made together in school before he and the guys had left for LA.

"Kennah, please baby, answer. I'm so worried about you. We all are. We just wanna know you're okay. Baby, I'm sorry. I don't know what I did wrong but I'm so fucking sorry. Please just give me the chance to make it up to you."

My bottom lip quivered in sadness as the words were recorded onto my machine. How could he think he did something wrong? He would never understand how amazing he was and that he, the leader of Big Time Rush, was so damn flawless to me. Again I heard him sigh heavily before he spoke again.

"Kennah, please…just…just let me know you're okay. That you're alive. That those beautiful eyes aren't pouring down tears because you think you did something wrong."

'But I have'

I thought to myself.

"I'll call back. Just please baby answer. Just let me know you're okay. Bye."

Now I was full out bawling. The hopelessness in his voice was like the worst venom that anyone could ever contract. Like the sadness spread through my veins in such a rushed speed that if it had in fact been venom, my heart would've stopped just from it reaching said destination. I looked up to my ceiling, begging for some kind of sign, some kind of forgiveness. My tears blurred my vision and I felt so weak. Mentally and physically.

"God, what the fuck have I done?" I begged to no one.

The silence once again proving that I was in fact utterly alone. I collapsed against my couch, crawling into a ball, my eyes tightly shut. I couldn't believe this was happening to me and I had no fucking clue what to do. It wasn't long before I felt the clutches of sleep finally pulling me away into my dreams where everything was still perfect, while in reality I was literally falling apart.

Hours later, I could feel myself coming around as my dreams faded. I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me from my slumber and when I finally opened my eyes, I was face to face with James. I sat up quickly and pulled myself out of his grasp. He looked hurt by me pulling away so fast.

"How'd you get in?" I asked after a few minutes of us just staring at one another.

"My key. I thought I'd lost it, but I found it this morning." He stated, sitting beside me.

I felt his eyes on me as I avoided looking at him. I was shaking, my breathing was coming out in unsteady pants and I felt like any second my lungs would be collapsing .

"Wh-why'd you come?" I asked, finally chancing a look his way.

He smiled softly at me and grasped my hand in his. That simple touch, brought a tear to my eye, that I couldn't wipe away.

"Kennah, we're worried. All of us. Kendall is…"

"Please don't. I already know I fucked up. That's why I haven't talked to anyone or left the house. I just…I can't see how bad I've hurt him."

"You haven't hurt him. Please just talk to him. Kennah he is so crazy about you. He loves…"

"No!" I screamed, throwing the blanket off me and standing. "I don't deserve his love or anyone's for that matter. I won't just stay and hurt him. Not anymore."

"Kennah…what did Ashlyn mean? About you getting over pretty boy? I've asked Kendall and he won't tell me. So I need you to be honest and tell me what she meant."

James stood from my couch, walking to me and turning my face to his.

"James…she meant th-that I was in love with you." I blurted out.

What was the point in hiding the truth anymore? It wouldn't change anything or make things any better. I watched James facial expression change. He finally saw it. Everything that I had been hiding could clearly be seen with one look into my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered after he continued to stare at me.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" He asked, still holding onto me.

I laughed somewhat bitterly as I tried my best to blink back tears, but only managing to let more stream down my face.

"It wouldn't have made a difference. Obviously. You're with Nicole now. You love her. You guys are gonna be parents. And most importantly you don't see me like that." I answered.

"Kennah…Nic and I…well we broke up."

I was shocked to say the least and I know he could tell. This wasn't something I was expecting.

"She lost the baby and after what Ashlyn said, she told me that she just didn't know if she could trust you around me. I didn't exactly know what she meant at the time, but I see now." He continued, rubbing my cheek with his thumb as we held our eye contact.

"James, I…I'm sorry."

"It's not you're fault. But I wasn't gonna ruin my friendship with you. You've been a big part of my life. You were always the one there to help me and the guys when we needed it. You always had our backs and you helped me become a better person. You and the guys have kept me level headed and grounded when I needed it. You're too important for me to just you give up."

Needless to say, I had been rendered speechless by is words. Was he saying what I thought he was saying to me? My thoughts were confirmed to be true when he slowly leaned forwards and placed his lips on mine. All these years and here he was, right in front of me. I felt his tongue lick my bottom lip, asking for entrance and I opened my mouth for him. I felt his tongue snake inside my mouth, mapping out the area completely. I finally wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me against his body. I had waited for this for so long, but it just didn't feel right. Our bodies didn't mold together perfectly like when Kendall held me. And even though James was a damn good kisser, I kept comparing his kisses to Kendall's. Kendall always kissed me with the perfect amount of tenderness and roughness combined at the same time, making me see fireworks. I didn't feel that with James, nor did I feel at home in his arms. I pushed him lightly on the chest.

"James…stop." I said, as our lips parted.

He looked down at me confused as I expected him to.

"I just…I can't do this."

I pulled out of his arms and took a few steps back. Our eyes disconnected and he looked to the floor for a minute or two before a small smile came to his face.

"You love him. You're in love with Kendall." James said, grinning from ear to ear.

"James…" I started.

"No. You love him. If you didn't then you wouldn't have stopped me. You said you're in love with me, yet you told me to stop. Kennah, you're in love with Kendall."

More tears came to my eyes and James quickly grabbed me up in a hug.

"You have to tell him Kennah. He loves you too." He whispered into my ear.

"I don't deserve it James. I was so terrible to him. He knew I still had feelings for you. I should've moved on before I got with him." I said, crying.

"Kennah, did you ever think that maybe it was just a crush that you had with me? You can love more than one person, but you can only be in love one person. I see the way you look at him, the way you laugh at his lame jokes. He's the one you want and he's everything you deserve. You passed the test."

"What test?"

"I had to make you see. I'm sorry that I kinda played with you're head, but I had to make you see that you really love Kendall. Please Kennah, he's miserable without you."

I looked away from James as I let his words sink in. He was right. I knew it just from the way I had pushed him away when he kissed me and the way I compared every little detail about him to Kendall. Every night before I went to sleep, I prayed that Kendall would find a way to forgive me for what I had done. Every morning I woke up, thinking about what Kendall was doing or if he was okay. It was plain as day. Everything from his dirty blond hair to those emerald green eyes that I could get lost in, called out to me. I missed his arms around me at night and the way he would sing to me in the morning when he would wake up before me. I missed his hugs, his lips on mine, the warmth of his body and everything that was Kendall. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked back up into James' eyes. Finally I smiled, knowing that for the first time, I knew exactly what I wanted and it all rested in the hands of a green eyed boy.

"Thank you James." I said hugging him tightly.

"Just go to him Kennah. He needs you. Don't give up." He replied, pulling away.

We shared a smile as James walked away and out my front door. I quickly ran up the stairs once James' car had pulled out of my drive way. I couldn't let this chance slip through my fingers. I had to get to Kendall before he gave up on me completely. Once I was in my bathroom, shower running and warming up, I grabbed the one thing I had been scared to touch for almost a week. It was now or never.

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**Soooooo, yeah I left it as a cliffhanger lol! But if I had wrote too much more it would've been waaaayyyy too long for just one chapter. So did you guys see the thing between James and Kennah coming? I had that planned from the beginning. James does love Kennah, but he was never IN LOVE with her. Like I made him say "you can love more than one person, but you can only be IN LOVE with one" hehehehe. And what is it Kennah has been scared to touch? Love you guys for helping meget this far with this story!**


	11. Will Forever Be Long Enough?

**A/N: I know it's been like forever, but this chapter was refusing to come out of me for some strange reason. I was about ready to give up, buuut instead cut off my tumblr and all the pics of Kendall's new hair cut and his just utter hotness in general and seriously thought about it and this is the outcome! **

**Btw, is it just me or does Kendall's new hair cut kinda make you think of what his hair looks like after sex? Like he and James just got done...OH NO I'M NOT EVEN GOING THERE! That is so Kames sex hair! Blarg, these boys are going to be the death of me!**

**ENJOY!**

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I sat outside of Kendall's apartment complex. My knuckles were white as a sheet from gripping the steering wheel so tight. I was scared, nervous, anxious, and every other kind of emotion that I just flat out couldn't grasp the word to form in my almost overwhelmed brain. I kept replaying the last half hour in my mind repeatedly. How would I explain all of this to Kendall?

Flashback

I stepped out of the shower after only a few minutes. Hair washed and smelling like well whatever the fuck scent it was. My mind was in too much of a haze to notice. But anyway, check. Body completely cleansed. Double check. Now I was face to face with the mirror, still afraid to look at what lay on the counter. Would I be excited? Disappointed? Happy? I wasn't sure which emotion to feel.

"It'll be okay Kennah. You'll get through this. Just look at it." I spoke to myself, closing my eyes.

I kept my eyes closed for a few minutes, trying to calm myself down a little more. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to thud right out of my chest. I could feel it in my ears at the rapidness of it beating. It sounded like I had been running a marathon. I slowly opened my eyes and trailed them down to my bathroom counter. Only one word shined up at me. Positive.

End flashback

I still wasn't sure I could get myself to get out of my car. I was almost certain my heart was gonna come out of my chest this time. I took one last deep breath and pulled my keys from the ignition. I glanced up into my rearview mirror at my appearance and, once deciding I looked presentable, stepped out of my car. Every step I took toward the building was stressing me out even more. I don't even remember reaching the elevator let alone stepping inside the building. I waited somewhat patiently for the elevator, not knowing if I'd just give up and chicken out before it arrived on the first floor. I glanced around the lobby as I waited. My resolve quickly fading but that familiar ding signaling that the elevator had finally made it, broke me of my thoughts. I turned back to the big metal doors as they opened and came face to face with Mrs. Knight and Katie. I gulped somewhat loudly as they both glanced up and saw me.

"Kennah! Oh god I'm so glad to see you!" Mrs. Knight exclaimed, wrapping me in her arms.

"Hey mom." I said, returning her hug and smiling to myself.

I had always loved Mrs. Knight. She was like my mom just as much as she was Kendall's.

"I suppose you're here to see my big brother?" I heard Katie ask, arms crossed over her chest.

I stepped away from Kendall's mom and looked at his little sister. She had grown so much and was really turning into a beautiful girl. And still planning to take over the world. The youngest Knight had not changed much.

"Yeah. Is he home?" I asked, feeling Katie's eyes bore into me.

"Yes he is. He said something about getting a shower after we left." Mrs. Knight answered.

"I-I came to see him. I know he may not want to see me…"

"Oh he does. I'm just not sure you deserve to see him." Katie retorted, interrupting me.

"Katie!" Mrs. Knight barked.

"No, it's okay. She has a point. Katie, you're right. I don't deserve to see him, but he has been my best friend for a long time. He deserves to know why I left and didn't come back until now. I owe it to him. Even if he just slams his front door in my face."

My small speech had Momma Knight near tears. I meant every word, even if it would shatter my heart, I knew I had to do this no matter what the outcome would be. Katie starred at me for a while before rapidly tapping her foot and throwing her arms to her side, finally giving me a smile.

"Fine, but if you break his heart again, I will take you out." She warned pointing at me.

Momma Knight and I both laughed as Katie gave me a big hug.

"We'll leave it at that and get going. Kennah, just take care of him okay." Momma knight told me.

I nodded as she and Katie took their leave and I climbed into the elevator. The ride up was nerve wracking. Once I reached Kendall's floor I blindly walked to his door. I took one deep breath before knocking lightly. After a few minutes of no answer, I knocked again. Still nothing. Finally I knew I had only one choice. I took my keys and searched for the key Kendall had given me to his apartment. I smiled as I gripped it in my hand before pushing it into the lock and turning. I stepped inside and closed the door behind me as softly as I could.

"Kendall? It's me, Kennah." I called out.

I got no answer. I moved through the apartment silently and as I approached his bedroom, I heard the shower running. I smiled as I stepped into his bedroom and looked through the doorway. I saw Kendall standing in the shower, both hands on the wall and his head hung in between them, letting the water wet his hair and face. His eyes were tightly shut and he let a heavy, frustrated sigh slip out of his mouth. Finally he straightened up and began running his hands through his hair, wetting it fully and pushing it back out of his face. I watched him silently, just taking the gorgeous guy in my sight. How had I not seen how crazy I was about him? How had I wanted James all those years when the one person that made me feel complete had been right beside me the entire time? My mind, or heart for that matter, would never be able to comprehend how I had been so blind. I smiled knowing that to anyone whom could see me probably would think I was some freak, just standing there watching a gorgeous blond guy showering. But to be honest, my eyes were focused on his face, not his nether-regions. I suppressed the giggle I felt creeping up my throat and walked back into his bedroom. Once out of his line of vision, in case he happened to turn around, I removed my clothing and laid it gently in a pile at the foot of Kendall's bed. I walked back into the bathroom just as it looked like he had rinsed the last of his shampoo from his beautiful blonde locks. I somehow managed to open the glass door to the shower and step inside behind him without him noticing. I watched his back as the muscles flexed as he stood under the water once again. I slowly stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his waist. As soon as they were wrapped securely around him, he froze. I could hear as his breathing became heavier.

"Ke-Kennah?" He asked softly, slowly turning in my arms and facing me.

I smiled up at him as I pushed his bangs back out of his eyes and cupped his cheek with my hand.

"This…this is a dream. I'm dreaming." He said, his voice cracking slightly.

"No. I'm here Kendall. It's really me." I answered him, stepping closer to him if that was at all possible.

"But you left. It's been so long."

"I know and I'm so sorry. I never should have stayed away."

"Kennah. You-you're really here."

He finally smiled and pulled me into his arms. There it was. That spark. That fire that only Kendall could ignite. His touch was electric, giving my entire body a jolt of more emotions than I think most people knew how to handle at once. If Kendall hadn't of kissed me when he did, I'm sure I would have been an electrocuted mound of mush in the floor of the shower. As much as I didn't want to, I had to pull away from his lips. I had to tell him something. Something I hadn't been able to say before. I reluctantly pulled away from his lips, earning a groan form him in return, but he still had his smile.

"Kennah, I missed you so damn much. Please don't leave me again." He said as he placed our foreheads together.

"I'm never leaving again. Ever." I answered.

He pulled me into a hug and I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"I need to tell you something." I whispered into his shoulder.

"You can tell me anything baby."

I pulled away slightly, just so our eyes could meet.

"I am truly, madly, crazy, and one hundred percent in love with you. I love you Kendall. More than anything."

He stood there speechless for a few minutes, that same smile still plastered o his face.

"Kennah…I love you too. So fucking much."

Again our lips met and this time, I could feel how much love he had. Everything in our lives had been leading up to that one moment where we both finally confessed our love to one another. I'm not sure when exactly it had happened, but somehow, Kendall had managed to scoop my up in his arms and carried me into his room. We crawled under his sheets and instantly, we became one. Our bodies fitting like two puzzle pieces. It had been too long since I had felt him against me and I promised to never be without him again. Our tongues danced wildly with the other, earning a low growl from him and a moan from me. We parted simply for two reasons. One, the need for air was becoming a necessity and two, I couldn't suppress the high pitched moan from escaping my mouth any longer. It had been too long since the last time we had made love.

"Kenny!" I exclaimed, lost in complete bliss

I drew my legs up into a v shape as I felt him moving in and out of me. A move he seemed to appreciate as a loud moan emitted from deep in his throat.

"Fuck. Kennah…I…love you!"

"Love you…too! Oh God Kendall! Yes!"

I had lost all control of my body. I could feel myself lifting my hips ever so slightly to aid in the intensity of his thrusts. Judging by both of our actions, loud noises, and overall feeling of being in pure heaven, we were both nearing our climaxes. Mine was rapidly approaching. A lot faster than I would have liked. Soon we were both screaming each others names as we came together. He didn't move afterwards. Only, lay on top of me until or breathing became regular again and we both looked into the others eyes and smiled. Finally we were whole again. Once he rolled off of my body, he placed himself beside me and lay on his side, just staring at me.

"I love you." He finally whispered, breaking the silence.

"I love you too." I replied, turning on my side as well.

"Why…why did you finally decide to show up? After a month?"

"That you can thank James for."

He seemed confused and I could see that same hurt flash in his eyes that I had that night a month prior. I hated that I was the cause of that hurt.

"He came over and talked sense into me. Had to prove it to me in a real weird mind game, but…it worked and I saw. I saw that the one I should be with is you."

He smiled before speaking.

"You actually let him in? You wouldn't let anyone in before." He said, thinking about it.

"Yeah, he found his key and kinda broke in. Only he wasn't trying to rob me."

"You mean to tell me that James Diamond actually thought of something that not even I nor Logan could think of which was to use our key to your place?"

"Yeah pretty much."

"I must be slipping if James outsmarted me and Logan. For once."

I laughed as I snuggled closer to him. He wrapped his arm around my waist and rubbed my naked back gently. I could've fallen asleep right there in his arms. If he hadn't started speaking again that is.

"How did he play a mind game on you?" He asked, sounding lost in thought.

I sighed, knowing this may come up. Well, just tell him and get it over with Kennah.

"Well…" I began. "He woke me up and kinda gave me this speech about how miserable you were and then…well, he kinda…kissed me."

Not only could I see Kendall's eyes flash even more hurt, but I could also see resentment and betrayal. I had to clear this up and quickly.

"But, I pushed him away. I just couldn't do it. But he said it was just to test me. To make me see that it was you I wanted and he was right. I know I said I had loved him for all these years, but…I just didn't feel the way I felt when you kissed me. Kissing James was like kissing some stranger. But kissing you…it was like you breathed life into me. Like I could finally live, finally breath for the first time and I just can't lose that. I can't lose you. Not now."

Another smile came to his face and he pulled me in for another quick kiss.

"I can't lose you either. You're too important to me." He spoke once our lips separated.

"You're important to us. That's why we need you." I said, figuring I might as well unload the bombshell on him.

"Us? Who's this we?"

"Me…and our unborn child. I'm pregnant Kendall."

Suddenly all the color drained from his face and I watched his adam's apple as it bobbed from the gulp he took.

Not the reaction I'd hoped for, but at least he wasn't throwing me out or screaming like a banshee.

'There's still time for him to run away screaming.'

Shut up brain! Now you kick in? When I don't even need your input! The audacity you have to…wait, why am I arguing with myself? Dear Lord I have finally lost it. What the literal fuck is wrong with me?

"Preg-pregnant?" Kendall stuttered, his eyes completely unreadable for the very first time to me.

I nodded slowly, unable to form any words, not really knowing if this reaction was good or bad. I watched as a small smile came to his face again and he sat up, quickly pulling me up as well and into a tight hug. I felt wetness against my shoulder and knew he was crying. I hadn't seen him cry since we were all in school so at first I was alarmed by the tears now dropping onto my shoulder.

"Kenny? What's wrong?" I asked, pulling out of his grasp to look into his eyes.

He was happy, possibly ecstatic even. His smile was bigger, brighter and his eyes sparkled in pure joy. It had been a long time since I had seen Kendall look this happy.

"Nothing's wrong. Everything I just right. The way everything should be." He replied, trailing his hand down and resting it on my stomach where he rubbed it lightly.

The motion was some-what ticklish, but more than anything, it was touching and made my heart flutter. I watched as he moved his eyes down to my stomach and now both his hands were rubbing it. He pushed me back where I was laying down again and kissed my stomach gently. I smiled, running my fingers through his hair as a tear slipped from the corner of my eye.

"Hi baby." Kendall said, sniffling a little. "I'm you're Daddy and I love you. Even if I haven't met you yet, you already have me wrapped around you're little finger."

Now the tears were pouring out. This. This feeling was so new, yet exactly what I wanted. Kendall was happy, which immediately made me happy about the baby. If I had was to have been turned away, I'm not sure I could have done this by myself. But Kendall was here, lying next to me, talking to our baby and I couldn't imagine it being any better than this moment. Our eyes met and we shared a smile as he leaned up and his face was level with mine again.

"Do the others know? Did you tell James?" He asked, his smile never leaving.

I shook my head no before kissing him lightly.

"You were the first to know. As you should have been." I answered, pulling away.

"We should tell everyone. Tonight. We could have a little get together here and let everyone know were back together and about…" He paused as he ran his hand over my belly again. "About the baby."

"It'd be good to see everyone. Invite your mom and Katie too."

"Kennah…I love you. And this baby. You two will forever have my heart."

Forever? Forever sounded good to me, but would forever be long enough? I was ready to find out.

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**Also the next chapter will be the last! I was gonna end it on this chapter, but I got inspired to write the dinner/get together/whatever the hell you wanna call it and ending something on chapter 11 is just...well, it irks me! Yeah I'm weird I know. Thank you guys!**


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